Disclaimer The two first theories of why introverts feel bad when around other people might seem a bit ridiculous at first, but they are there to emphasise the final and third theory.
If you are an introvert you will recognise the following two situations and feelings.
Your favourite time.
And the times you hate.
Honestly, what is the difference between the two situations?
Well, the first one is the introvert comfort zone. The second one is the introvert discomfort zone.
Or put differently, you feel good alone but not when other people are around you.
You just start feeling bad about yourself when others are around you. They do not need to talk or interact with you. Just by being in your presence, and you feel bad. They are gone, and you feel good.
How can that happen? Suddenly when people are around you, you start feeling bad. Well, let us try 3 different theories.
Theory 1: Evil brain waves
It might sound ridiculous, it is just to emphasise the following point.
Nobody forces bad feeling into you.
Of course, somebody can say evil things to you, which makes you sad and feel bad. But remember, we are just talking about the bad feeling you get when others are around you.
Further, somebody can look at you in an evil way, which makes you feel bad. But, again, we are not considering these situations. We only examine the bad feeling you feel when someone is in your presence.
So where does this bad feeling come from?
Is it because you are an introvert and then your blueprint tells you to feel bad?
What triggers those bad feelings and why doesn’t it go away?
Theory 2: The alcohol excuse
Did you ever wonder why you suddenly feel good around other people, when you consumed some amount of alcohol?
Well, I did. I found that alcohol was my best friend. It made me feel good, it made me able to express myself to others, it made me feel confident, it made me the person I wanted to be.
The best part, it didn’t require anything else than buying and drinking alcohol. So easy that anybody could figure it out. And I loved it.
I loved it.
Unfortunately, alcohol has a dark side. If you consume too much, you get black outs, become too annoying for others, you get hang overs, and you can’t use it at work to overcome your fears there.
But what happens when you drink? Why can you suddenly feel good and dare to say, do, and be more like the person you want?
And is it really necessary to use alcohol to become like that? Or are introverts doomed to drink alcohol to feel good about themselves when around other people?
Theory 3: I choose to feel bad
If nobody forces bad feelings into me and they can be removed under the influence of alcohol, well, could I be choosing the bad feelings myself.
I can hear your counter argue that. But wait a bit, I used to think like you too.
Firstly, we need to understand the difference between emotions and feelings. Emotions are short impulses related to experiences or thoughts. They come and go fast. Feelings is the way you choose to react to your emotions.
Let me state that again. Feelings is the way you, yes you, choose to react to your emotions. Read more about it here.
Secondly, does that mean you can overwrite them with new feelings?
The short answer is yes.
Is it easy? Well, it depends. It takes consistency and practice. But everybody can learn it. Actually, there is nothing like introverts need to feel bad around other people. They can learn to confident around other people. I did it, so can you.