This is a controversial subject and I will start by explaining what I am suggesting by your past doesn’t matter.
I used to think that I was so unlucky because I had one traumatic experience after another throughout my childhood. If I had been without them, I would have been better off in life.
But does your past really matter?
Of course, your past experiences do shape the person you are today. But do they control your behaviours?
Below are three reasons why you should stop thinking your past controls your current behaviour. That your past doesn’t matter.
1. You can’t change the past
How simple and naive this sounds it has significant impact to really understand it.
I remember once I met my cousin and she asked me if I didn’t want to discuss my past problems with my parent, to confront them with my side of the story, or something like that.
As my interpretation and feelings of the past was not going to change, I didn’t really understand what this would change.
Imagine that I went to my parents and told them that I felt they were not good parents. Then they would reply that they knew that and they were really sorry and hoped I would forgive them.
That would solve all my problems with my past, right? I would be happy because they finally told me they were sorry.
Do my parents have some magic power over me? They put a spell on me, such that I could not live freely and be happy. Only when they would say the magic words I would be free and happy again.
The truth is, that they do not have magic control over me. And they can’t change the past such that your past experiences do not affect you anymore. Only you can do that.
2. How you interpret the past is your choice
Imagine that you were cloned. Two clones of you with the same past experiences (I know cloning doesn’t work like that, but let’s just assume it for a moment).
Your first clone chooses not to care about the past. That is, your first clone says: “My past doesn’t matter and I am free to do whatever I want. Nothing can stop me.”
Your second clone chooses to think that you need to deal with your past. That is, your second clone says: “I have to deal with my past, but I don’t know how to that. I need to understand how my past experiences have impacted me, in order to get free from them.”
I used to think like the second clone. You have experiences that shape the person you are today. While this might be true, I unfortunately misinterpreted how this would control me. That I could not get free of my past before I dealt with it. Unfortunately, I didn’t know how to do that.
I thought that understanding my past would change my current behaviour. But understanding the past might give you insights, you still need to change your current situation.
Said differently, you need to become like the first clone.
You might argue, but you cannot just tell yourself that your past doesn’t impact your present. Well, why not?
Say, you have a fear of talking to people in groups. This is because you were ridiculed once as a child. Understanding what impact it has on your life doesn’t remove that fear. Only confronting your fears will help you.
Somehow this implies that you can choose how to interpret your past. You need to reprogram your believes about your past.
Your past is only a story you can use as any other story, like a movie, but it cannot control your current life, only if you choose to let it.
3. The past is just an excuse for not dealing with your present problems and limitations
I had million of reasons for not succeeding in life and none of them had anything to do with my inability to deal with my problems and limitations. They all were due to my unlucky sequence of past experiences.
Said shortly, I was just born unlucky under unlucky circumstance.
Then I started reading short biographies from many of the great men in the world. I discovered something I didn’t expect. Something that I would never imagine. But something that gave me hope. Hope that I could succeed too.
Surprisingly many of them grew up under the worst thinkable circumstances. Why did they succeed when I didn’t.
Did they have some magic superpower I didn’t have.
The hard truth is, that I was making excuses for not succeeding in life. I was a failure and I chose to blame the past. The better choice would be to take control and deal with my current failures and limitations in my life.
No more excuses and lies. Only you control your current situations and how you change it for the better.